trigger warnings
drowning, water, child neglect, unaware parental figures, dumb kids, thalassophobia, choking, but it’s water so it’s really drowing.
for someone who couldn’t swim
it was stupid to join a
contest jump into
deep blue
depths
why couldn’t i swim at this age
no idea i was young dumb
my cousin couldn’t
swim said
let’s go
so i jump further each time
sink to the sand and
crawl my way up
hold my breath
burning
eyes
until i surface in triumph
until i take too long
to reach the
bottom
i try to reach the top instead
i manage to make it
but i can’t hold
myself and
descend
again
i’m not sure how long i bob in and out
up and down but i know no one
saves me i’m not sure where
my cousin went if he
asked for help he
wasn’t ashore
when i
got in
i’m not sure how i reached shore
I think i may have paddled
myself forward i
think i might
have
sunk to the sand and crawled with my fists
i know i went up and under unable to
scream salt water in my mouth
see people go about like
normal i’m sure i
didn’t want to
die i didn’t
want
to
be at the bottom of this endlessness
so i splash and swallow
and panic until
i could
touch
sand
then i went home and
didn’t tell my
parents
ramblings
nearly drowning in the blue hole didn’t scare me as much as i think it should have.
i don’t really understand because I NEARLY DROWNED, but i’m pretty sure we came back the next day and went about my childhood business. i knew it was my fault what happened really and truly. i went plenty of places for a kid that couldn’t swim.
not to sound like an actual badass because i wasn’t. it was terrifying at the time. i remember water and trouble breathing and pleading for help over and over in my mind. unable to say anything because i could never stay above water for long enough. i was worried that trying to shout would make me swallow water and take time away from breathing in so I could make it to the surface again.
but somehow i just moved on. i don’t even know what age I was when i almost floated to the bottom of this 663 foot ocean-filled sinkhole. but I wasn’t scared to swim in it later.
maybe i blocked it from my mind, i don’t know.
i love the blue hole. for a little bit, i was obsessed with free diving it but I could only make it to the first ledge a few feet down. my cousins could actually go under the ledge and swim it. i was so jealous.
i love watching other people free dive the blue hole. freediver anna von boetticher and guillaume nery have some old but really great videos up of diving the blue hole. but you can find tons. and you should watch them. it might help get over your fear of deep water.
it’s odd that something people consider so dangerous is used so commonplace back home. I AM NOT ALLOWING MYSELF TO BE USED AS AN EXAMPLE. my instance was pure child dumbness.
sure the depth of the hole did catch me in a panic sometimes. once something huge did make a big splash when a couple of us were out on the free diving platform. but in all, the blue hole is just another beach. and when you’re at the beach you swim.
unless it’s already winter. i forgot to mention the water is ice cold! maybe this time i’m spending in [redacted] right now will acclimate me to the cold and i’ll come back to face the blue hole’s icy water stronger than ever. but, also, maybe not.
still the blue hole is beautiful.
oct 17, 2024
y’all need to fucking laugh at me cause i took a dip in the damn lake in MAY here and that think was still ten million times colder than the blue hole in Bahamian winter so i’m a literal dummy.
ayo, and my friend blanca wants me to do a plunge? PASS.
leigh ann 
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